Thursday, August 1, 2013

Wednesday. Wednesday! . . . Wednesday . . . ?

So, I’m leaving…on Wednesday. For the MTC in Provo. After I’m there 9 weeks, I’ll {hopefully} head over to Russia, assuming there isn’t any trouble with my visa.
I have never felt this way before. I have never felt two such conflicting feelings before; utter happiness, and disorienting sadness. On one end of the spectrum, I am incredibly excited to serve 18 [almost 19] months as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and to experience all the adventures and spiritual experiences that come along with that. And on the other end, however, I am amazingly distraught at the idea of leaving my family and friends behind to change and grow without me. I have met so many new and outstanding people recently and to have to say “See ya later!” or even “Goodbye” to them is heartbreaking. But how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye such a hard thing? How lucky am I to have the amazing support system that I do? And how blessed I feel to know that those I’m saying my goodbyes to are crying right along with me.
So I know that saying goodbye is rough. I’ve never had an easy goodbye…ever. But I’ve never felt such sorrow in my whole life. I’ve started to realize that my little cousins won’t be so little when I get back. People will be married. Places and faces will change. My little sister will be able to DATE{commence heart attack…now}. The Bookstore will be different. And lives will continue to be lived while I’m gone. And honestly, I hate that idea. I hate the fact that people whom I love will continue to grow and I won’t physically be able to be a part of it {irrational fear, I KNOW} But then I realized…I’m going to change too. How is it possible to be put in such a circumstance as a mission, and not change? The Lord will be shaping and molding me right along side those who are staying here.
So yeah, goodbyes are tough, especially for me. Anyone who knows me knows that when I get attached to someone, I stay attached. BUT the work that I’m doing is the some of the most important work I will do on this earth. I’m sure I want my chance to make a difference as a missionary, even if it is a small difference. And besides, for those who understand and embrace the Gospel at its fullest, understand that there aren’t really any {true} goodbyes. Some goodbyes are just longer than others. We will all meet again someday…it may seem like forever to our human minds, but it’s not. In the full spectrum of eternity, it is never “goodbye.” It is only “God Be With You Till We Meet Again.”

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